love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
