Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
