So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
