You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
