I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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