I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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