you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
