Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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