the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
