i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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