I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
