So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
