He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Randomize
