Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
