just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
