I'm laying in your front yard are you home
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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