So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
