I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
