By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
