ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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