i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
