do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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