Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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