is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
