Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
