R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
