Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
