so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
