I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
