I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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