There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
