I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
