Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
