My nipple is on Facebook.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
