Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
