i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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