Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
