I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
