It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
