Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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