why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
