Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
