Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
