So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
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They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
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So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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