Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
