a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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