I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
