If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
