I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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