I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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