Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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