The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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