I hate your face
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
