P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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