why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
