She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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