theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
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Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
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Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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