I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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