Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
