The maid of honor just puked.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
