5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
