Your mouth is God's brothel.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
