yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
