I smell stomach acid.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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