I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
