Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
