I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
