I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
